The Satanic Bible Rewritten

The C.M. and Pizza

2007-04-19T18:05:12Z

Carthians and Pizza

So the other day I was thinking about it and there is no way that I could ever play a member of the Carthian Movement. You see not that long ago I or rather my character was put on the spot to give this new player who was unaligned kindred and new to the local Requiem Venue and he or rather his character wanted to know the low down on the Covenants from someone who was not his friends. Now then I am playing a Nosferatue, Ordo Dracul and I told him that I was biased and he gave me the green light to tell him what I thought of the other Covenants. Now then keep in mind when I gave this explanation it was all supposed to be off the cuff, flippant, and more than just a little glib. Also this is not supposed to be a slam on any Covenant and or player. Now then with that being said here is the rant.

Ok so the Carthians want equality for all of Kindred society on a global scale. This is not an inherently bad thing, they see Kindred society becoming stagnant and the old movers and shakers have been around for too long and are too set in their ways and they like being on top so much that they will stop at nothing to keep themselves there on top of the Kindred society food chain. Now then as I was saying there is nothing wrong with a want for equality for everyone. Nor is there any problem with taking steps towards that goal. The problem that the Movement faces now is that while they have this lofty and wonderful goal no two of them can agree on how to go about getting to it. Some of them want to play the diplomatic angle and get things done peacefully by holding mass votes and staging demonstrations and rallies. Then there are some who want to sit back and use the same tools that those on top use to get there, like influence peddling, and back room deal making. And then lastly there are those who want to go buck wild with shotguns and take it by force.

Now then because the Movement is pushing for equality for all, there must first be equality within the Movement itself. Ok fine not a bad idea but here is the problem with that, everyone has a voice and everyone gets to be herd and everyone then must have their opinion weighed and measured. Well that’s great but now there are so many voices all shouting out to make themselves herd that no one can actually hear any one singular voice because they all just get lost in the din.

Huh…alright I think I may have lost you a little bit, so think of it this way. There are lets say five people in a room together for a whole day and nothing to eat. Round about dinner time the need for food is oppressive, so the five of them decide to order one really big damn pizza. The only problem is that they all want different things on this big goddamned pizza. Lets say that one of them is a Vegan so they are all sorts of ok with whatever veggies get put on the pizza but the person to their right is a vegetarian that also really happens to like cheese. So the two of them can agree that veggies are good but they cant agree on the cheese. Then sitting across from them is a guy who wants a cheeseburger pizza so he wants beef and cheese but no pizza sauce. Well obviously this is not going to work with either the Vegan or the vegetarian. Then there is a Polynesian girl who really wants to go Hawaiian style, but the other three say that fruit has no place on a pizza, and then lastly there is a little kid who just wants plain cheese, but no one wants that because pizza is really after all just a vehicle for toppings. Now then if two or even just one of these five people were willing to budge on their choices then perhaps some progress could be made and perhaps a pizza would even get ordered, but because all of them hold so strongly to their choices no compromise can be made. Now then lets say one of them just grabs the phone and starts to call well the moment that happens the others in the room, shout him/her down and in some cases become violent because: 1. they all did not agree on that choice or 2. they are doing something wrong and everyone else is right even if they all have different ways of doing the ordering, the one who is actually doing it is wrong. Why because he/she is not doing it the way that the Vegan would do it, or the way that the kid would do it, never mind the fact that the kid and the Vegan would do it completely differently from one another.

This is my problem with the Movement. They all want the same thing and for the most part it’s a good thing but none of them can figure out how to get there and so they just end up fighting amongst themselves more than anything else. And this is what I told the new player. I told him that I was biased in favor of my own Covenant but this is the best and funniest way that I can explain the Movement. Anyway that’s my rant for now and hey I could be wrong. Until the next time.

Later
Satan

Fuck I wish I could

2007-03-22T09:28:23Z

This is what I really want to say to my grandmother on my fathers side:

Why Hello There,

Good to hear from you grandma. The first thing that I would like to say is that I am sorry about the loss of you husband, from what I understand he was a good man.

Now then with that out of the way, what I have been wanting to write to you for the last two (2) months is a little something like this:

I blame you. I blame you for not having the courage to do the right thing some sixty years ago, when you should have dashed in the skull of my father your son. I would like to tell you that my father is the poster child for the screaming abortion, and that the best part of him was left drying on your thigh. I would like to tell you that the onus of responsibility rests solely upon your shoulders for bringing such a right bastard into this world and then allowing him to wreak the damage that he has. I blame you.

In closing to this letter I would like to tell you that I am sorry for missing the last dozen or so family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, etcetera, ok wait perhaps I am not so sorry. You see I get this sinking suspicion that you all don’t really want me there and so therefore I have not been and will continue to not be in attendance to the gathers of the Three Ring Circus Side Show Of Freaks, by the by that would be all the rest of the family, just incase you could not get it.

Oh, sorry one last thing, I consider this to be my last correspondence and so please after receiving this letter take the following steps to avoid unnecessary pain:

Loose permanently my mailing address.
Loose permanently my cell phone number.
Make no further attempts at contact.
Consider me to be dead as you are all surely dead to me.

Yours in some kind of half-assed respects

Jon

Or perhaps something like that. I know that I am not going to because I want to be better than they are but at the same time fuck it would feel so good to do it. Anyway, I need to go to bed. I assure you that after I send the real letter and allow my head to cool down I will post for all who care the reasons as to why I would pen such a hurtful letter but until then.

Later

Satan

03:00

2007-03-20T09:57:40Z

Hehehehe....its just about 03:00 in the morning, do you care where your parents are? Because after all it is a jungle out there.

So here I sit once more at my desk in my bed room at the House That Rum Built and I have been contemplating the nature of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and I have just one question to ask.

Why?

Now then I do not mean this in a massive way. Like: "Why are we here?" or: "Why must there only be men and women? Must we live in such a binary state?" Not even the: "Why do I always get really tired when I am dismembering a guy with a claw hammer right about the time I get to his hips but catch a second wind just below the rib cage?"

No really I mean: "Why?" "Why, am I sitting here asking this stupid question when really I could be doing anything and really I do mean anything at all better with my time?"

Huh...oh hey look Numbers is on TV.

Later
Satan

P.S.
Remember to eat your cereal with a fork and do you homework in the dark.

Its A Horrid Thing

2007-03-14T09:16:35Z

It's a horrid thing when you find that your fantasies don't live up to the reality.

Later
Satan

Fucking Lame Assed Job Rant

2007-03-09T09:08:11Z

I have no reall reason to be awake a this moment in time. In fact I should have been passed out and dead to the world about an hour ago and yet for some damn reason I am still awake. The last two (2) days at work have been Hell, and not that fun kind of burning the souls of sinners in the fiery pits sort of fun Hell but the other kind, you know the kind that sucks, the kind that is all pain and work, and will suck-ness. I have to be up in less than seven (7) hours to go back to work at a job that I dont mind for a boss that can be kinda ok (when he is not at home sick and dieing of the Black Death) but for a company that is just about the most evil thing since coffee. And I know that even though I busted my ass for the last two (2) days I know that some self important talking-cock-face is going to be all bent outta shape because this thing or that thing did not happen and I am going to be the one left to twist in the wind for it. Man I tell you it fucking sucks being right all the goddamnedmotherfuckingtime. Anyway I am going to go and try that thing with the eyes closed but just one more time and see if perhaps this time I cant make it work.

Later
Satan

Right Jacked From The T-Bear

2007-03-07T08:05:51Z

-RED-

1.Closest red thing to you?
--My megaphone
2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship?
--Yeah at least two of my ex-girlfriends potentially three
3. Last thing to make you angry?
--My job
4. Are you a fan of romance?
--In the past I would have said no but as of late I must say YES
5. Have you ever been in love?
--Yes
6. Do you have a temper?
--One that burns as brightly as a wildfire and I wish it culd be controlled as easily

-ORANGE-

1. Closest orange thing to you?
--The picture of the Man Eating Carrot my friend painted back in high school
2. Do you like to burn things?
--Fire good just don’t throw it
3. Do you dress up for Halloween?
--if the costume can be made in less than an hour for under twenty bucks sure
4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person?
--Depends on the time of day
5. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship?
--I can live with being single but I do really dig the relationship thing
6. What would your super power be?
--Teleportation. Totally, teleportation.

-YELLOW-

1. Closest yellow thing to you?
--Legal pad
2. The happiest time[s] of your life?
--Me and the open highway and nothing to do but drive and listen to good music and smoke cigs.
3. Favorite holiday?
--Halloween.
4. Are you a coward?
--On more times than I care to admit to
5. Do you burn or tan?
--I think the word char comes to mind
6. Do you want children?
--Negative, Ghostrider that pattern is full.

-GREEN-

1. Closest green thing to you?
--Street sign I found one day years ago on a bike trail
2. Do you care about the environment?
--Yes
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now?
--Yes, fucking anyone who can make a living playing paintball
4. Are you a lucky person?
--In a way. I should have been long since gone many a time by now but I am still here drawing breath.
5. Do you always want what you can't have?
--Yes, its called being human and alive at the same time.
6. Are you Irish?
--On my moms side, and German the donor’s side.

-BLUE-

1. Closest blue thing to you?
--Lava lamp.
2. Are you good at calming people down?
--If the situations needs it .
3. Do you like the sea?
--Without even a thought, yes.
4.What was the last thing that made you cry?
--Realizing that my family is made up of a bunch of fuckers (my aunts funeral this past Easter).
5. Are you a logical thinker?
--I like to think that I am.
6. Can you sleep easily?
--Head to pillow and the system goes down.
7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods?
--Beach, duh.

-PURPLE-
1. Last purple thing you saw?
--Dildo at the local porn shop.
2. Like being treated to expensive things?
--Can go with or with out.
3. Do you like mysterious things?
--Define, as in ghosts, yes. As in tax forms, no.
4. Favorite type of chocolate?
--Milk.
5. Ever met anyone in royalty?
--No.
6. Are you creative?
--Kinda I guess or maybe not, hard to say.
7. Are you a lonely person?
--Not as of late, thank you Angel.

-PINK-
1. Closest pink thing to you?
--Hustler centerfold
2. Do you like sweet things?
--Not really occasionally a Malibu and Coke can be good though.
3. Like play-fighting?
--Who don’t?
4. Are you sensitive?
--Depends on who you ask, some say yes other say I am a prick. I like to think of my self as an Asshole.
5. Do you like punk music?
--Angry white men with guitars what is there not to like about tha?
6. What is your favorite flower?
--Fuck me, I don’t know.
7. Does someone have a secret crush on you?
--I guess so I don’t know. This is a dumb question. If its secret why and or how would I know???

Later
Satan

Ok I Guess Its Time To Up-Date

2007-03-07T04:03:08Z

So 12 days since the last up-date have passed and now I find myself compelled to put something down for people to read. Exactly what I am not so sure but here goes.

Question One:

"Smile if you Masturbated last night?"

Statements 1 - 7

1. Work, yeah that still sucks ass.
2. Paintball, yeah that’s still addictive.
3. School, yeah got to do that registering thing for classes in August
4. Girl, yeah I really like her and things for us are going really well these days.
5. Vacation, I have two trips planned this summer one in early June to go up to Washington to see a friend from the University of Washington graduate. And then a second trip in August to go out to Hawaii to see my sister. This will be the first time in about six (6) years since I have seen her, its going to be a family reunion of sorts.
6. Jeep, is running just fine and as soon as the weather turns better I will have to top off of Her again and enjoying it all the more.
7. Game, yeah Vampire the Requiem (I am an AVST for that game) LARP is picking back up again. Werewolf the Forsaken is about to take off (I am a Pack story teller for that game) and Mage the Awakening is alright (and yes I am an AVST for that one as well) But of all of these games it’s our little L5R table top game on Sunday nights that I look forward to the most.

Well I think that’s about all that I got.

Later
Satan

Well Shit

2007-02-22T09:10:42Z

Wait you mean to tell me that I actually still have one of these things?! What the fuck man...ok well yeah....this is odd. I would like to up date everyone on everything that has been going on these last few months but that would take way much more time and effort than I am interested in putting in right now so how bout I just say this.

The girl (Amanda) and I are still going strong.
Paintballing is a wonderful if not expensive addiction, and its one that I have not fed enought as of late but I am fixing that.
Work sucks, duh...
Game (as in LARP and table-top) is all sorts of good
And I am not back in school yet but I should be soon and once I am then that will suck as well.
Oh and Alkaline Trio: Remains is fuck off bad assed.

So once more until the next time, and that could be next week or four months later, we will just have to see.

Later
Satan

There Is No Other Way To Say This

2006-10-31T08:08:08Z

There is only one way to say this and its exactly four words long:

"There is a girl."

Rock
Jon

So Once More

2006-10-22T05:56:29Z

I return to you all my Adoring Worshipers at Our Lady Of Eternal Visceral Agony.

Well seeing as to how I got some requests to see the stuff that I have been sending into the Unconquered Sun News I will post them here on the LJ. I will try to post one every week. I have six of my works published in the News Letter. Apparently some crazy bastards actually like what I write. So I will post them in the order that they were sent.

Next bit o-the-news, I am still single and after some deep contemplation I think I am ok with this.

Moving on, I am in the process of getting over a really nasty head cold and trying to nurse my bruised and battered body back to health, with the help of my good friend Jimmy Beam. Bruised and battered because I put in twelve days straight and then got one day off and have to be back at work at 07:00 on Sunday.

The Cam games up here are really rocking. My Ordo Dracul Nosferatru (Preacher) is about to make the jump to the Moroi bloodline. My Moros Guardian Of The Vail has just become a Sentinel. And I am one of the Pack story tellers for the Forsaken venue here.

So that being said I leave you my Adoring Worshipers at Our Lady Of Eternal Visceral Agony with these words: When life gives you lemons, make a porno.

Later
Satan

Type your cut contents here.

You there, yes you, the one reading this. If you are whom I think you are then I must congratulate you on your intestinal fortitude to make it this far. How long have you been hunting me? How long have I evaded your grasp? Well tell you what you made it this far and I would hate to see you go on from this abandoned haven with nothing to show for it. So here is what I have left you, think of it kind of like a consolation prize. This is the story of one of my many sins.

The rain coming down in sheets thick as lead would have been fitting for this night’s event. A cold and bitter wind blowing down bullet pocked marked streets under a sky of obsidian black and gunmetal gray. With only the sick pale sulfur yellow washed out light from the over head street lamps and the occasional flash of vibrant electric blue from the lightening over head just moments before the window shaking thunder clap followed after it. All of these would have been nice poetical touches however, that was not to be the case. Rather it was a mild mid-summer night, you know the kind, when the Earth has trapped all of the suns heat from the daylight hours and slowly over the course of the night releases it back into the atmosphere so that the light breeze coming in from the west feels refreshing. There was no rain, in fact there was nary a cloud in the sky, no lighting, no thunderclaps, the street lamps had been changed from those old sulfur bulbs to a kind of florescent bulb that gave off a paralyzing white glare and not the sickly yellow, by the by personally I always liked that kind of sick yellow, but I digress. The only sounds other than the ones that were coming from my engine and the stereo in my 1967 Mustang, were the sounds of children playing and teenagers sneaking a few stolen moments away from the watchful eyes of their parents to share an illicit cigarette, beer, or god-shield a kiss.

You see I was back in town on a strictly business errand. At the time I was a lowly wheelman of the Assamite variety. The job this time was supposed to be simple. In and out in two minuets no witnesses, the target a lowly Toradore of a significant number of steps removed from our Father but this Tory had made himself a nuisance by throwing his lot in with the dredges of the mortal population. He had started to make a name for himself as a gang leader and was uniting the street gangs under his banner, to what end was unknown. To be honest I doubt if he even knew what he was going to do once he had control over the gang population. But never the less I was contracted out of my Pack, the Underhand, to go and take care of this problem. Now at this exact moment I did not know what I was getting into so I chose to handle this individual as if he was significantly more powerful than he may of actually been. So I knew that I was thirsty and that I might need something special for this mission. I left the boardwalk Rack and made my way to the suburbs.

The house was located on the corner of Aquamarine and Edinger, and if the family had been given any sort of a warning, they would have run, but now it was too late for them. God had determined it was their time and I just happened to be the instrument for their destruction. The lock on the back door leading into the laundry room might as well have not even been there. Standing there in some skimpy belt that the Girl wearing it called a skirt and tank-top with whatever happened to be the hot new band on it this week was gabbing incessantly into her cell phone while folding laundry. Too bad, she might have proven her worth to the Sect, after all the best assassins in all of history have been attractive women. Oh well, the Knife sang through the air and danced across her throat. I don’t think it hurt her too much. I folded her neat little anorexic body into the washing machine and then stepping into the shadows hid myself again as I then made my way down the hall and in to the family room.

Daddy was the next one to go. He was sitting there in his lazy-boy recliner and reading the paper and was the picture perfect look of a hardworking white-collar suburban father. The Knife once more made quick work of his problem as it drove down through the top of his skull in one neat and clean overhead strike. Oh well I feel no sympathy for a man who cannot protect his family. Next was on to Mommy. She was standing in the kitchen making dinner, from the looks of it, a meatloaf type dish, the smells of the hamburger seasonings and garlic bread from the oven clashed in stark contrast with the heavy coppery sent of blood as the Knife was plunged through her back tearing a hole in her left lung before it bisected her heart. Poor woman, but once more I have no sympathy for a parent that would allow their underage daughter to dress like a walking invitation to a sexual assault charge. As I was extracting the Knife from the now dead Mommy a yell of terror ripped through this utterly serene moment. THE BOY! Damn! How could I have been so sloppy?! He was standing there in this baseball uniform just stepping out of the bathroom when he saw Mommy crumple to the floor like a wet wash rag.

It was at this moment that I have to give the boy credit for being fast on those two legs of his. Unfortunate for him I was to be the faster one. Summoning the powers of the blood I pushed myself for speed and took off after the Boy. He raced down the hall to his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. I made it to the door just in time to hear the lock in the door slam home with a clicking sound that resonated in much the same way that a gun bolt locks into place after a fresh clip is placed in it. I cursed that the gifts of strength were not part of my Clans specialty. The door held up to the first impact of my shoulder but it did not hold up to the resounding impact of my steel-toed boot to the lock. As the doorframe gave way with a shower of splinters and metal pieces from the lock giving in I stomped into his room, just in time to catch his Louisville Slugger square in my chest. The resounding meaty thump made me stagger back a pace. The second hit came down upon my left shoulder like the proverbial ton of bricks. Once more I must give the boy credit for being in better shape and for being willing to fight as opposed to cower in the face of danger however, when he backed up a pace to get into a proper swinging stance he had signed his own death warrant. Pushing blood into my dead limbs I made my arms as strong as an ox and when then next overhead strike came my left hand rocketed up to connect with it and I caught his bat in mid swing. This was now pure anger that had taken over. The beast raged against me, it clawed at the bars of my psyche begging to be released. I was thirsty before I even walked into this house and now I have had to expend much precious blood to get to the Boy. This was not the time for the Knife and it knew it and understood, sometimes one must resort back to tooth and nail and this was one of those times. Rising to my full height and holding the bat above the boys head, and therefore his own arms he simply would not let go of that damnable bat of his. My right hand secured his head as my fangs plunged into his chest and I drank deeply of his blood, until there was none left and the body fell limp and useless to the ground.

Coming back down from the high of the kill and the feed I started to notice that there was a noise coming from back down the hall. It sounded like, crying. As I picked up the Knife and apologized to it for me having to drop it so unceremoniously to the floor during the fight, I cleaned it reverently and placed it back into the sheathe before going to investigate the crying. As I walked I did a mental recount of the vehicles out side, the big shiny new SUV that screams I have to compensate for my lack of a sex life had to have belonged to dear old Daddy. The typical soccer mommy mini-van belonged to the now quite deceased typical soccer Mommy in the kitchen. The white mini-rice rocket an obvious sweet sixteen birthday present for the Girl who was now neatly folded into the washing machine. And the black light pick-up truck had to have belonged to the at one time spirited baseball-playing Boy. So who was doing the crying? A Baby? Well I’ll be apparently the SUV was not to compensate for the lack of a sex life after all but perhaps his lack of endowment. But never the less there was a new Baby here. Now what to do with you? And then a moment of insight.

I made my way back into the Boy’s room and found his book bag and emptied out all but its most important contents on to the floor. So in other words all of it had to go. Now with empty backpack in hand I returned to the Baby’s room. Placing the bag in the crib with the baby I broke one of the wooden bars free from the crib with my right hand and with my left I lifted the Baby up and sunk my fangs deeply into the squirming, crying Baby’s flesh and drank deep of its life.

A slight digression no two peoples blood ever tastes the same. Many things can factor into this. Age, what they have had to eat, medical condition and so on and so forth. For example a diabetics blood it almost sickeningly sweet, like a potent dessert wine. While and anemic blood has a fruity after taste kind of like watered down apple juice. An infant’s blood has almost no taste to it at all, I was kind of disappointed, to be honest I was expecting something more. So where was I? Oh yes, I remember now.

After I had finished off the Baby I slit open my wrist and had the child drink from me. Yes I embraced the baby. Does this make me any more monstrous or am I still at the same level of depravity I was at before? Then after the Baby had been turned I slammed home the make shift wooden stake and placed the Baby into the backpack. Then after freshening up and liberating a new set of cloths from the now cooling Daddy along with whatever cash and jewelry I could find in the parents bedroom I started to make my way back to the car. On the way out I stopped by the mirror to look at my reflection in the mirror. New gray wool suit, backpack with newly made pull-and-throw-baby-grenade stashed in it, I decided it was time to pay my target a visit.

Now then my good Hunt…sorry my bad, Doctor, if you want to know more you will have to resume the chase. I will be waiting with baited breath.

Highest Respects

Alonzo De Augustine

Type your cut contents here.

I did not think about it until just now

2006-10-07T21:50:15Z

Ok so for all of my devoted disciples to the Church of the Immaculate Orgasm, that almost none of you can actually view the Unconquered Sun News Letter that I have been submitting my work to and I was thinking that I could post the work here on my Live Journal but I don’t want to do that unless I get the feel from my small but faithful congregation that whey would actually like to read this stuff.

But moving on from that, to answer the question as to what has kept me away for so long. And the answer is nothing all that impressive but here is the recap of the last two or three months. I got into a relationship, got out of said relationship. Got a job throwing boxes at the Macys loading dock still playing Vampire (Cam), narrating for Mage (Cam). Oh and stretching my ear piercing from a ten to a four. There has been some other stuff in there but for the most part I work 5 days a week LARP 2 nights a week and that’s about it. Oh yeah and I am still not getting any.

With that my devoted disciples I depart yet again with these closing words: I turn down the beat and turn up the speed of light and end this all night rave.

Later
Satan

Hey Guess What.

2006-10-04T18:57:49Z

I am still alive. Just in case anyone was wondering.

Later
Satan

he

2006-06-15T06:59:45Z

OK so I know i have this habit of dropping off the face of the no-where for a while and then coming back. So yeah I am coming back yet again. And I just wanted to say I am with the living. Some things are better than the last time I posted somethings suck more since the last time I posted. But yeah I be here still. Oh yeah by the by Mooney if you go to Wa. I will hunt you down and pound the intelligence back into you, with Bowers sledge if need be.

Later
Satan

Blah

2006-05-28T09:01:33Z

Ok so this just in. Where to begin? So yes once more Jon went right the fuck off the map. No real reason for it this time other than I just got lazy and did not feel like posting. So what has been going on in Jon’s life? Well the job hunting has come to a close with the acquisition of a job. I will be working unload for Macy’s starting on this Tuesday. Next, I am still broke but that will soon change, hence the whole working thing. I might also be picking up a couple of nights over at a local bar down in Petaluma called the Buckhorn. One of the guys I know up here works there already and is trying to get me in over there. What else? What else?

I am back in the Cam. Club once again and am playing games and having an absolute blast playing in the New World Of Darkness. I am in a Vampire game where I am playing an Ordo Nos. And in the Mage game I am a Guardian on the Path of Moros. In the mortals game I am part of a two man kill team that is all straight low rent vampire hunter. I am in one table top Werewolf game where I am playing a Iron Master, born under the new moon. And am also in an Exalted game where I play an eclipse caste that is a pirate. I am running a pick up game of L5R 3rd just for fun whenever we feel like playing it and am about to start up a once a week game of 7th Sea.

No real drama to report, I still have no love life and my sex life could not get any more dead if you took it outside and beat it with a shovel and buried it six feet under face down. I have started writing short fiction for the Unconquered Sun Newsletter up here and so I will be posting those from time to time, about once a month in other words. I really miss sex. Yeah I know that was a kind of a leap of logic but I was reading over what I had just written down and got a bit of a chuckle out of the top line of this paragraph and then realized that damn I really miss sex. Anyway that’s all I have to say so its late and I am going to go and sleep I think.

Later
Satan

Boned

2006-05-08T01:33:44Z

I am so screwed. I have no job as of yet and therefore no source of income. If I dont find something that pays 10.00 an hour and can get me 25 hours a week at least by the 15th of this month, I will not be able to make rent. As it is I am already in the hole for last months utilities bill. I think I might be ever so slightly screwed. I have sent out about 10 Resumes and a a few apps. if I dont hear anything good come Monday, then I dont know what I am going to do. Fuck.

Later
Satan

A Lonely Impulse Of Delight

2006-05-04T09:50:15Z

“Other Side Of Day”

Nude wolves cowering from an apathetic moon
Ignorant children playing at adult games
Grinning skulls howl in triumphant defeat
Heavens common anger made clear by cloud cover
To you all of this is nothing to me its eternity

Later
Satan

RANT!

2006-05-03T09:29:16Z

Ok so it has been a little bit of a while since the last time I really ranted and raved and so I feel that I am just about due. So tonight’s bit of verbal hostility is nothing less than both barrels leveled at this unbelievably fucked up concept called: “Organized Religion” or as I like to call it the: “Greatest-Bullshit-Story-Ever-Told.” Now then we also should take a moment to note that when I rant about “Organized Religion” I am talking about a specific group of dicks called Christians, I generally do not include other religions in these: “I fucking hate organized religion rants” unless specifically started just assume that it applies to Christianity in general and the worthless fuckheads that give it a bad name. Now with that being said time to move along.

Now then understand that my problems are not with the people specifically but more accurately with the shit people do in the name of this so-called “Organized Religion.” Just a few quick examples would be: 1. The Holocaust 2. The Crusades 3. The Hundred Years War and 4. the continued hostilities in Ireland between Protestants and Catholics. Now then people generally roll their eyes when these examples are brought up time and time again in an effort to shut down the “Organized Religion” monster but people come on its truth. Some of humanities greatest, longest, and bloodiest wars and acts of atrocity were committed out of religious hatreds and intolerances.

Ok by now some of you have stopped reading and others of you are wondering when the fuck is he going to get to the point of all of this? Well here it comes and it’s a question that I am posing to those of you who have the intestinal fortitude to continue on with me on this rant and here it is: “Why is a group of people like the Christians who follow a religion that preaches, tolerance, love, compassion, so on and so forth so unwilling to be tolerant of another persons religion?” Now then I understand that when I ask this question in this fashion it is overreaching and far too general. I have known some exceptionally tolerant Christians, such as John Barnheart (By the by John sorry if I butchered your last name) as one example.

But I ask this question because this “Organized Religion”…sorry have to stop myself for a second here. How can one have an “Organized Religion?” A religion is a belief and idea, how can you organize that and not loose of all the importance that the idea/belief had to begin with? Sorry, perhaps that is just a trick of semantics and it is probably a question best left for another time. Anyway where was I? Oh! Yes now I remember, tolerance and intolerance in the Christian world.

So please how can a religion whose core tenants are love everyone and, don’t be a dick, and be chill with everyone and so on and so forth, how can people claim to be Christian and still carry on with these quite obviously UN-Christian practices? Now then there are some out there who are Christian who follow it closely and are not directly affiliated with the church (as in they do not hold a position within the church) and then there are some who are, for lack of a better word are employed by the church that are quite UN-Christian as well. But the core question for tonight simply is this:

How can a religion that claims tolerance as one of its core teachings be so INTOLERANT of another persons religious beliefs?

Now I a wait the answers from the rest of you.

Later
Satan

Well Now That Sucked

2006-05-03T01:05:01Z

Yeah, that sucked. And now time for a drink.

Later
Satan

Cryptic

2006-04-26T09:20:14Z

Yes I know I can be the king of cryptic. This time however you are all just going to have to trust me when I say that I cant talk about it. What I can say is that I think I had been saying fuck Washington for so long that I had blinded myself to the fact that I had somehow gotten hooked up with a life up there and the leaving of it has proven to be more difficult than I ever possibly imagined. Now keep in mind that I think the state of Washington still blows ass and I love California, it’s the people that I had come to call friend that I miss from Washington. Especially one person and once more I hope that tonight they are finding sleep with more ease than I. With any luck I will be able to post more about what is going on here later but for now I think this is about all I can do.

Later
Satan

Flux

2006-04-24T10:56:26Z

Not sure how this is supposed to be. I am here in the new place in Santa Rosa Ca. and tonight I find myself fluxing between equal parts depression and rage. This should be the time of my life and I find myself only being about half here and half someplace else. I hope that she is sleeping better than I am tonight.

Later
Satan

The Last Gasp

2006-04-13T21:00:09Z

Well this is it kids. This sould be the last blast from this place that has been my home base for the last year. Yes shortly after this message is posted the computer will be taken down and put away for transport. I will be leaving the woderful state of Washington come the 17th of this month and should be in Santa Rosa come the 18th. (Its supposed to be a 12 hour drive but pulling a trailer I think will make it at least a 16 hour drive so I am going to do it in 2 days and not 1)

Also randomly due to my Anut Mary going and jumping into a box last week I will be in So-Cal this weekend or the service and stuff. I dont know what kind of free time I will have. I dont know what kind of transportation I will have. I know I will be staying at some hotel in L.A. So if you want to hang out call my cell or you can try and get to me here on LJ. The old people's comp. is sitll up and running so I can still get on line its just my comp. is going to be packed away.

And on that note we cue the music.

Later
Satan

MUHAHAHAHA / BUHAHAHAHA

2006-04-12T09:12:24Z

<td align="center"> RiseSatan --
[noun]:

A new position involving a machete

'How will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com</td>

Later
Satan

To Replay

2006-04-10T20:37:06Z

As per the request of the Spooky a Re-Issue!

From the desk of Satan:

This just out, a new edict for all followers to obey:

Edict:
Smile if you sinned within the last thirty-six (36) hours. If so confess your sins now so that Satan may smile upon you and your decadent ways.

That is all.

Later
Satan

Attention

2006-04-07T01:23:40Z

From the desk of Satan:

This just out, a new edict for all followers to obey:

Edict:
Smile if you sinned within the last thirty-six (36) hours. If so confess your sins now so that Satan may smile upon you and your decadent ways.

That is all.

Later
Satan

OK

2006-04-06T11:49:25Z

Ok so blame it on the insane and unhealthy amout of drink I have taken in this night. You see I was planning on being in in bed and passed out about three (3) hours ago. But I just got this song off of iTunes and well its fucking great. That and you all know that I have a chubby about thee (3) feet long for Alkaline Trio and this is from front man Matt Skiba's solo work with Kevin Seconds. The song is called Good Fuckin Bye and is off the split album. So now that I have foud this track I have to get the album but I just thought that I would post the lyrics for you all because personally I think it fucking rocks and well that could be just me but hey whatever.

Lyrics:

MATT SKIBA LYRICS

"Good Fucking Bye"

So you broke down
Trying to leave town
I broke down crying on your return
You left me feeling hopeful
I'll never see your face again
You made for a bad lover's liver
You stole all the covers and busted my head
You made me such an ass hole
I wish we'd never met
I'm tired of being bored
I'm through with the headaches
And hiding my hands
that tremble like earthquakes
Under the table under the daytime sky
Good fucking bye
And when you lose hope
It's hard to cope
Watching the tyranny with sober eyes
At daybreak and sunset
All hours in between are spent murdering time
You made for a bad lover's liver
You sold all the covers and fucked up my head
You made me such an ass hole
I wish we'd never met
I'm tired of being bored
I'm through with the headaches at night
And my hands they tremble like earthquakes
Under the table under the daytime sky
Good fucking bye
Good fucking bye
Good fucking bye

Enjoy

Later
Satan